Letter to God

God, I tried. I'm really not for full-time. I'm going back. I've decided. I know better too. Please guide me in my decision-making. Please help me maintain the discipline, concentration, and focus needed to make myself better - in both ways, my reality and my fantasy. Thanks!

Anxiety Attack

If a rehearsal falls on December 4 or/and December 5
I'm submitting my resignation.

Kate Winslet talks fame and nudity

Kate Winslet may have five Oscar nominations, effortless gorgeousness and a happy home life, but she admits she still has to contend with her chubby inner child.

"This is going to sound really weird, but I never had a desire to be famous," the sublime actress tells the December issue of Vanity Fair, which features her on the cover in her most sultry, skin-teasing Catherine Deneuve-inspired pose (check out more shots from the spread here). "I never had huge ambitions -- never. ... I was fat. I didn't know any fat famous actresses."

Winslet, 33, who in her teens once tipped the scales at close to 200 pounds, concedes that she "just did not see myself in that world at all, and I'm being very sincere. You know, once a fat kid, always a fat kid. Because you always think that you just look a little bit wrong or a little bit different from everyone else. And I still sort of have that."

It's a feeling that apparently tends to bubble up when she sees stylish types teetering on stilettos.

"I often look at women who wear great jeans and high heels and nice little T-shirts wandering around the city and I think, 'I should make more of an effort. I should look like that,'" figures Kate, before common sense takes over. "But then I think, 'They can't be happy in those heels.'"

The actress, who is married to director Sam Mendes and is mom to Mia, 8, and Joe, 5, approaches the maintenance of her enviable figure with the same pragmatic attitude.

"Everyone can commit to 20 minutes," she says of her workout regimen, "especially if there's a glass of Chardonnay afterwards."

It's a tip Winslet would probably share with the other parents at her kids' school, if she could overcome the feeling that they're sizing her up instead of trusting Us Weekly's tagline that stars really are "just like us."

"You know why I fear people's judgment? Because I know they're judging. I know they are," she observes. "You know, these mothers are going to read this article and they're all absolutely great, but I know when I walk into that classroom in the morning, even if it's for a split second, at some point I'm being checked out. And some of them will even say to me, 'OK, what's the secret with the skin?' At which point I'm like, 'Oh my God, there's no secret. I have makeup on. And by the way, since I turned 30, I've had an acne problem on my chin. I'm just like everybody else -- I just know how to cover it. If you'd like me to show you how, I'd be more than happy.'"

Still, one judgment she's sure to welcome is from her "king of the world"-spouting "Titanic" leading man Leonardo DiCaprio, with whom she's reteamed for the Mendes-directed "Revolutionary Road."

The actor, who's apparently over that whole "you sent me to a watery grave even though I'm pretty sure there was room on that wooden board you were floating on" thing, declares Winslet "the most talented actress of her generation."

And with Oscar buzz building for her "Revolutionary" role, not to mention her turn opposite Ralph Fiennes in the post-World War II drama "The Reader," Winslet is up front about her desire to claim a little bald naked gold guy of her very own.

"Do I want it? You bet your [bleeping] ass I do!" she enthusiastically acknowledges. "I think that people assume that I don't care or don't want it or don't need it or something. It's hard to be there five times, and I'm only human, you know? But I don't go home and cry, because we're all grown-ups here."

Funnily enough, one Academy Award winner who did her crying onstage as she collected her statue has revealed a desire to be more like Kate.

"[She's] always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free," Halle Berry gushes to Elle. "I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that."

But that on-camera comfort doesn't come easy.

"I know that in order to do my job as truthfully as I can -- because to me that's everything -- you really have to not give a [bleep] [about what people think]," explains Winslet. "You have to be prepared to look stupid and you have to be prepared to walk around naked in front of a crew of people you've never met before and may never see again. And it is scary."

And that may be why her personal wants tend to be refreshingly simple.

"I need to be looked after," Kate tells the magazine. "I'm not talking about diamond rings and nice restaurants and fancy stuff --- in fact, that makes me uncomfortable. I didn't grow up with it and it's not me, you know?"

What she does need is "someone to say to me, 'Shall I run you a bath?' or 'Let's go to the pub, just us.' I mean, the things that make me happiest in the whole world are going on the occasional picnic, either with my children or with my partner," she notes. "Big family gatherings, and being able to go to the grocery store -- if I can get those things in, I'm doing good."

Falling

Many people are quick to get into love relationships. It does not take much for them to begin to feel overwhelming good feelings that send them into orbit. Falling in love is easy for them. In fact, they seem to fall in love as soon as they fall out of love.

They are quick to draw conclusions. “He loves me” and “I just know he is the right guy for me,” are commonly heard statements soon after they jump into a relationship. When you ask them what they know about the guy, you learn that they know very little. Still, they insist that they “just know.” It’s all about feelings and they trust their feelings.

More often than not, their feelings betray them. After a time, they realize that it was all a mistake. He isn’t the guy they thought he was. Well, they did not think. Instead they made the decision to commit based on feelings. Feelings are tricky. They don’t think. They just feel. And feelings are like the weather. They change, and often they change quickly without notice.

If you have a history of jumping in and out of relationships quickly; if you believe you cannot live without a man; if the time between relationships feels like a living hell, then you may be the problem.

Desperate people behave in desperate ways. They do things that ordinarily they would not do. They tend to overreact because of feelings taken to the extreme. They have strong swings of emotions and have difficulty keeping their feelings under control. This leads them into all kinds of problems. When feelings lead the way, instead of good thinking, you can be sure that the way will be difficult and unpredictable.

Whirlwind courtships usually end up in stormy waters. The reason being that love relationships are serious matters that calls for some serious thought and a good control of feelings. Strong feelings can easily cloud the thought process. This is why we often make the wrong decisions in life. Our head tells us to move in this direction, but because of feelings we move in the opposite direction and things don’t work out. We knew what we had to do but did not do it.

We do not like to admit it, but the truth is that more often than not we decide things with our feelings rather than with our head. We trust our feelings more than we trust our thinking.

Try telling the woman who is madly (insanely) in love with her drug-addicted boyfriend who doesn’t have a job and never finished school that he is a high-risk guy. She won’t listen to you much less follow your advice to walk away. Her feelings tell her that he will change and that their love will overcome any and all obstacles in their way.

If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or email me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.

Here's Bubbles at You!

Here's Bubbles At You
======================

You know, most people think of blowing bubbles as something for
children. I think of it as a stress reducer.

Just this last week as I was sitting at the front desk of the
office where I work, I looked outside and saw an older gentleman
sitting on the edge of the fountain blowing bubbles.

A young lady with a camera was taking pictures using the glass of
the building as a reflective background.

From the time between noticing the man blowing bubbles until the
time the phone rang again, I forgot about the busy office and
work that needed to be done and just enjoyed the scene.

At my old job, there was a lot of stress for over more than a year
because of people being let go and changes being made. Each time a
meeting was called everyone wondered if it was their turn to
get the bad news or if they were just going to close the whole
office.

On a day after one of these meetings, another twenty or so
people were told they had only 60 more days of employment;
I was one of them. I walked around the office doing my
mail run and in between delivering the mail, I blew bubbles.

I blew them over the cubicles while people were working and they
would look around and wonder where the bubbles were coming from.

I would step into someone's office and blow as many as one
dipping would allow. While I was doing this, I would watch the
smiles, hear the laughter, and people briefly forgot the stress
of the situation.

It didn't solve any problems or help anyone find a new job, but
for that moment on that day, the office wasn't filled with the
gloominess that we were getting used to.

One last suggestion for bubble therapy.

I have carried a small bottle of bubbles, the kind you would get
at a wedding, in the car. In a traffic jam or just while
stopped at a red light, I roll down the window occasionally and
blow as many bubbles as I can before it's time for the car to
move again.

I love to watch the faces of the people looking around and
pointing. Most of them didn't see me blowing the bubbles and
they wondered where they came from.

People's faces light up when they see bubbles which makes me
feel lighter. I think I need to dig out my bottle of bubbles
again, it's been a while. Thanks for reminding me.

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear
the music." George Carlin