Friendships End, Losing Friends

Carole King's song, "You've Got A Friend" promises "Winter, spring, summer, or fall--all you've got to do is call--and I'll be there." Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.
Yet, friendships end and friends part company everyday. Unfortunately, even the best maintained friendships can end.

Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle when friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other's company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.

Sue said, "The end of our friendship was a gradual thing. I moved from one side of the metroplex to the other. We had over an hour's drive to see each other. For a year or so, we met religiously. Then our friendship began to taper off."

John wrote, "I didn't even know the friendship was over until I caught myself thinking of Alan as a former friend. In the past tense rather than the present."

Pat explained, "We started seeing each other less and less. The friendship was just over."

Other friendships break up suddenly from a disagreement or move to another town.

Paul said, "When I moved to Seattle after college, our friendship abruptly died. We were both struggling with new jobs and didn't keep in touch. Now that friendship is so dead, I don't even call him when I go home."

Sandy wrote, "That was the last straw for our friendship. I never spoke to Lisa again. It's like we were never friends."

Bob Carver, Dallas psychotherapist, says, "A friendship or any other relationship fails because of three things:

Unexpressed expectations,
Undelivered communication,
And/or thwarted attention."
Yet the biggest threat to a friendship is change.









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For example, moving from single life to coupled life has a great effect on friendship. Coupled persons often feel their single friends act interested in them only when a romantic prospect is not in sight. They may feel jealousy for or neglected by a single friend's new social life. The single friend may feel awkward and withdraw from a world of twosomes. Divorced and widowed people often have a feeling of being abandoned by old friends.

Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says, "Thus generally it's true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they were when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways, the friendship most likely will be lost."

Regardless of why, when, or how friendships end, there is always some pain of loss to assimilate. When nothing can be done to mend the friendship, it is important to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.

The Clothes You Wear

What others see from your style

You probably live in your own little world and studiously avoid having to search for your own identity. You may feel that you are not loved, and being in your imaginary world is your way of coping with this. You get moody easily.
What your nightclothes reveal

You are knowledgeable and intelligent. You are organized, confident, liberated, energetic and full of fun.
What others see from your ties

You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamour.
What others see from your belts

If there's not a single belt in your wardrobe, you like freedom and are opposed to all kinds of rules. You are creative and very good at work that requires you to stretch your imagination. Your main downfall, however, is that you can be very moody.
What others see from your shoes

You are a person who loves simplicity and is sincere and open. You are pleasant to be with, easygoing and always in a good mood. You neither want to control nor be under someone else's control. You don't care much about how you look, and know that it's what's inside someone's heart that's important.
What others see from your earrings

You are a sweet and talkative person. You are sociable, energetic and interesting, and get easily bored by the same old things. You are always looking for adventure.
The last analysis

You are probably a romantic and passionate person. You are sensitive and lonely when you aren't in love. You can be somewhat self-centered, but you are honest and sincere to others. You like to make a good impression of yourself and worry about what others think of you.

What do I really want now?

First and foremost, I want to be stable. I want to prove to my parents that I can enjoy life and have savings - even when I'm working at home.

Second, I need to take lessons. I need to exert more effort to work on my voice and playing the keyboard. If I can squeeze movement lessons in too, I might as well.

Third, I need to master the art of Time Management. I have yet to perfect that course.

Fourth, I need to control my emotions. I need to stop clinging on to the past and just move forward. I need to enjoy the moment, the minute it happens, then move on.

Fifth, I need to be more focused. I don't want to be scatterbrained anymore. I need to do THE POWER OF NOW - because this is a way for me to succeed on my chosen endeavor.

Sixth, I need to completely believe that where I am now and the people with me now are the ones I should do and be with. That it's alright. I need not look back too much, neither should I be afraid of the future too much. Everything will be alright - so stop panicking.

Please let me do all this.

Another week begins.